Adapt~ing...

I can't stop my mind!!

I just can't stop thinking of you..

Does that means I'm missing you a lots?

More than what I can ever imagine?

You're always in my thoughts..

I kept thinking of you...

Your name keep appearing.

Probably.. maybe..

It's because this new time schedule is too free

that I don't have much to do.

Probably.. maybe..

It's because I'm lonely.

Probably.. maybe..

I'm out of my mind....

Every time.. without fail..

Whenever I look into the screen of phone,

I have the faith and trust

that there would be new messages waiting me.

I thought it'd be message from you

I hoping to see your name on the screen again

I'm waiting.. and still waiting...

and trying to adapt to the silence at the same time

It doesn't matter what I'm thinking..

cause all I wanna know is just..

Do you miss me like I do?

This my steps.. Yours?

After all these while..

After all the silence moments..

After all the changes..

After all these thought..

I finally have to take my steps.

I guess..

I just have to get used to the silence

Get used to the loneliness

Get used to the fact

I have taken two steps forward..

now, there isn't any space left

I'm taking a step backward

Two steps forward

One step backward

Just to ensure everything's nice at the way it should

Now, what's your step?

Sometimes...

Sometimes..

I just have to keep reminding myself

to the reality of this world

to the fact that I doesn't want

to the truth that place a stop.

Sometimes..

I just have to stop and breathe

to ease the pain away

to erase the sad memories

to forgive and forget the imperfection.

Sometimes..

I just have to close my eyes

to imagine the happiness

to rewind back the sweet moments

to draw a smile back on my face.

Sometimes..

I just have to let my mind goes away

to release and let go everything

to give some space for myself

to give some time for you and me..

Sometimes..

I just have to realise that

Sometimes..

Things that lost can't gain back anymore

Sometimes..

I just have to put the faith back

Sometimes..

My vulnerable heart can't withstand all these

Sometimes..

I just can't sure how long I can withstand everything till the end.

Sometimes......

My favourite day so far

Today's the best day for so far of my record!!!

First, of course.. everything at last settle down.. The truth is there for us. And all I need to do, is just left to ask for forgiveness..

Got my idea while taking shower last night.. and as the result, smiley seems to appear..^^

Although it's not gonna heal the wound perfectly, I'm sure time will do the rest while I'm trying all my best and at the same time being just perfectly me, myself.

I know it's not gonna be easy, but I'll give my best to it.. Just hope and wish everything's gonna be fine.. As smiley said, when there's a will, there's a way.

And my will is to close back the gap between us!

I know smiley has been too busy with all his assignment (to cheer others as well as smiley itself, I guess.. Just joking). And I'm like very very free.. with only 2 hours of lecture per day... Can't disturb smiley the often although I wanna to.. ^^

So, move on to the second..

The second hour of lecture was cancel.. due to.. erm.. I'm not sure..^^

But I'm still glad for this.. and came out with a brilliant idea.. That's to go out.. for a shop, walk.. anything.. will be great rather than staying indoor for more than 12 hours not including sleeping hours!!

Third,

I got my PTPTN loan.. Glad that it's approved although there're bunch and bunch of papers work to complete for that loan and I need to return back in 20 years.. 20 years!!! I was like what?? 20 years??! I'll be like 40??!! I don't want.. haha..

So unfortune that I can't get any scholarship.. haha.. hope can settle this loan before I'm 40..^^

Forth,

my friends and I went to karaoke.. firstly, I was like.. well.. better than nothing although my aim is to buy a pair of running shoes for today's training. Because we're students, so we have the very students' price at RM10 including a meal. I'm thinking of not singing and just wanna listen..

But I have to say that this outing is just so so great that i sing along with them^^.. what a great improvement of my life.

(P/S: I'm not using microphone.. haha.. can't sing with that yet.. give me some time)

Although most of the songs they sang are Chinese songs, and I'm not completely "banana".. I still able to get myself few favourite songs.. and some english as well.. but I was singing alone for quite a few English songs..

It's pity that there's not "Two is better than one" and Tohoshinki songs.. I'm so addicted to these songs recently.. ^^ I'm sure they'll have in future.

Fifth,

Lastly, I manage to get myself a pair of running shoes.. It looks nice for me.. and the price isn't really high.. Manageable.. and comfortable so far.

Lastly,

The Infinity Miles training.

My god!! I felt like I was on the moon.. Two main reasons...

One: I felt like I need oxygen tank to breathe!

Second: I felt like my brain unable to get enough oxygen or glucose which cause me felt like as though I'm floating.. More to like a drunk person..

(P/S: wonder what will happen if I'm drunk.. haha)

The training is so intensive.. with push up.. strain our muscles..

and running all the way..

I was sweating like as though I just had my shower without towel!

and I'm so so thirsty as though I'm undergoing dehydration.. haha.. (sarcastic pulak)

But I'm glad and feel lighter after the training. It's like.. My life so intensive...

and it's much more better than running alone... (I'm not alone!!) haha..

And I can't imagine how red my face is.. It's like as though I'm gonna faint any moment.. haha...

and now.. i still able to sit down.. relax to calm my arteries and vein.. haha

typing my favourite day ever..

Love today!!!

The View

I understand now..

I can clearly see the whole picture of what happened now..

You said it wasn't my fault,

but it's clearly my wrong..

What had happen to me?

What took me so long to tell the truth?

What was in my head?

Am I trying to find excuses or the story behind?

There isn't any turning back for me..

Pushing me to follow up the steps.

And it's taking my breathe away..

I never felt this way before..

This feeling is just so so.. strong in the sense that

it occupied the entire brain..

leaving no spaces behind for me to think clearly

All I always want is just someone

To hold hands when mine are colds...

To provide a shoulder when tears drop...

To listen when everything comes down.

To give warmth and say everything's gonna be fine..

There's something right at the bottom here..

Should I say or shouldn't I?

Yes or no?

All these choices are driving me crazy..

But.. after this clear view, I guess I shouldn't

because there's nothing else I can give...

Would you or wouldn't you??

I starting to realize how peaceful my phone is.. without your messages..

I starting to realize how loneliness scatter around me.. without your thoughts.

I starting to realize how scared am I towards silence.. without your voice.

It has been days..

You changed.

You never message me unless I did.

Did I come across to your mind?

Probably..

This strange feeling is driving me crazy.

Probably..

This loneliness is causing me to miss you like

I'm out of my mind..

Maybe..

Could it just that simple?

I doubt...

I guess..

You're just too busy with your project and I'm just too free till the day I put myself into hectic schedule.. and Yes.. I will...

Spent my day.. whole day.. watching movie, preparing notes, studying..

without a message...

Well..

Watched "The Notebook".. It's really a remarkable story line..

Love the ending and it really do sounds sad... almost drop my tears for everything Noah did to Allie...

Their love is undoubtedly endless, everlasting...

Few quotes to share:

Young Noah: Would you just stay with me?
Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'
Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.
Young Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.
Young Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?
Young Allie: It's not that simple.

Noah to Allie:

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah

Noah: I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

Noah: Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone. (Is it? Well, time proves everything)

I wish that i don't have to wait..

I wish that I can know what you're thinking..

i wish that you can understand me..

i wish that You can accept me just the way I am.. and the way I am is the result of the past.

I wish that everything can just slow down..

I wish that everything came a bit later in my life..

I wish that I can take back the words..

because before I could realize, there's something right inside the heart

Is that you?

Are you reading my post?

Is it you?

The one that I know for years...

What had happen to us?

Had I ruin everything?

Is everything changed now?

I don't know..

I am lost..

I don't like this feeling...

What have I done?

Pls let me know.

Is there a misunderstand between us?

Did I say something wrong?

Did I mistaken anything?

Did I think too much?

Are you still reading?

Still here?

Still following?

Are you?

I don't know what am I thinking

cause I can no longer

differentiate my feelings towards you

Will you let me know?

Or you'll ignore me?

I was afraid to make a choice

A choice that will ruin

a ship that is so precious to me

call 'Friendship'

What should I do?

Smiley all arounds

There are thousands...

Millions of smiley

created, drawn, provided...

Different emotions

shown..

Just like every human

But have we forgotten the basic and original one??

I didn't realise before this..

Till you came into my life

I realise that I can have my very own smiley supplier..

I always ask for smiley.

and forgotten that I can actually give smiley..

I just want you to know that

You're not only my smiley supplier...

But also my smiley receiver.

Because all I want..

Is also you to smile and be happy

It hurts...

It hurts..

when I have hurt you much that you need Mr. Time

It caused tears..

when you couldn't accept the truth

I no longer know what you're thinking

I never know

But everything changes now..

It caused chest pain

Just to think everything once all over again

I'm trying all my best

to be fine..

Your life would be much better without my presence..

I know that now..

I can no longer receive free smiley..

because I lost all of them

All I can do now..

is just be fine.

To face everything I have done in one time..

I'm not fine.. not good at all...

Let the cat out of the bag..

After all these years, I finally spoken out everything..

Something I have hide away from truth..

Something I want to erase from past..

Something I don't want to recall..

Something I dislike...

The moment I let the cat out of the bag,

The cat is gonna change lots of thing

You have no idea that how much I wish

that you're not the one to hold upon the secret..

I doesn't want to lose anything

due to my past...

I doesn't want to drop a tear..

for my past..

I can't erase what I have done..

I can't redo what I have done..

I can't forget what I have done..

other than hoping I would never ever repeat the mistake..

However, happy memories never follow around

sad memories always haunted me

I guess...

I have just lost my smiley supply.

because sometimes the truth is just not what you want

Recovering..

After such a long time.. for months...
Finally.. I'm back to continue my footsteps back to track...

Let's have a review of all these months...

I made a great decision that changes my life and I'm glad for that decision.
Relieved and released a burden of my life...
Starting a life with a new and clear cut.
Having a new lifestyle away from home

and homesick...

I am officially university students...

Gonna be 2.5 years away from home
Gonna be 2.5 years staying at Bukit Jalil
Gonna be 2.5 years IMU student (For Bkt Jalil campus)
Gonna be 2.5 years as Medical Student

I'll be studying exactly and even further deep of biology world..
I'll be having my own stethoscope.. (Grey or black??)
I'll be learning learning learning and learning..
I'll be a future doctor!!!

Looking at all these..
I'm actually looking forward for my own future..
wow.. haha..


By.. no one else other than..
Candy..