The View

I understand now..

I can clearly see the whole picture of what happened now..

You said it wasn't my fault,

but it's clearly my wrong..

What had happen to me?

What took me so long to tell the truth?

What was in my head?

Am I trying to find excuses or the story behind?

There isn't any turning back for me..

Pushing me to follow up the steps.

And it's taking my breathe away..

I never felt this way before..

This feeling is just so so.. strong in the sense that

it occupied the entire brain..

leaving no spaces behind for me to think clearly

All I always want is just someone

To hold hands when mine are colds...

To provide a shoulder when tears drop...

To listen when everything comes down.

To give warmth and say everything's gonna be fine..

There's something right at the bottom here..

Should I say or shouldn't I?

Yes or no?

All these choices are driving me crazy..

But.. after this clear view, I guess I shouldn't

because there's nothing else I can give...

Would you or wouldn't you??

I starting to realize how peaceful my phone is.. without your messages..

I starting to realize how loneliness scatter around me.. without your thoughts.

I starting to realize how scared am I towards silence.. without your voice.

It has been days..

You changed.

You never message me unless I did.

Did I come across to your mind?

Probably..

This strange feeling is driving me crazy.

Probably..

This loneliness is causing me to miss you like

I'm out of my mind..

Maybe..

Could it just that simple?

I doubt...

I guess..

You're just too busy with your project and I'm just too free till the day I put myself into hectic schedule.. and Yes.. I will...

Spent my day.. whole day.. watching movie, preparing notes, studying..

without a message...

Well..

Watched "The Notebook".. It's really a remarkable story line..

Love the ending and it really do sounds sad... almost drop my tears for everything Noah did to Allie...

Their love is undoubtedly endless, everlasting...

Few quotes to share:

Young Noah: Would you just stay with me?
Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'
Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.
Young Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.
Young Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?
Young Allie: It's not that simple.

Noah to Allie:

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah

Noah: I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

Noah: Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone. (Is it? Well, time proves everything)

I wish that i don't have to wait..

I wish that I can know what you're thinking..

i wish that you can understand me..

i wish that You can accept me just the way I am.. and the way I am is the result of the past.

I wish that everything can just slow down..

I wish that everything came a bit later in my life..

I wish that I can take back the words..

because before I could realize, there's something right inside the heart

Is that you?

Are you reading my post?

Is it you?

The one that I know for years...

What had happen to us?

Had I ruin everything?

Is everything changed now?

I don't know..

I am lost..

I don't like this feeling...

What have I done?

Pls let me know.

Is there a misunderstand between us?

Did I say something wrong?

Did I mistaken anything?

Did I think too much?

Are you still reading?

Still here?

Still following?

Are you?

I don't know what am I thinking

cause I can no longer

differentiate my feelings towards you

Will you let me know?

Or you'll ignore me?

I was afraid to make a choice

A choice that will ruin

a ship that is so precious to me

call 'Friendship'

What should I do?

Smiley all arounds

There are thousands...

Millions of smiley

created, drawn, provided...

Different emotions

shown..

Just like every human

But have we forgotten the basic and original one??

I didn't realise before this..

Till you came into my life

I realise that I can have my very own smiley supplier..

I always ask for smiley.

and forgotten that I can actually give smiley..

I just want you to know that

You're not only my smiley supplier...

But also my smiley receiver.

Because all I want..

Is also you to smile and be happy

It hurts...

It hurts..

when I have hurt you much that you need Mr. Time

It caused tears..

when you couldn't accept the truth

I no longer know what you're thinking

I never know

But everything changes now..

It caused chest pain

Just to think everything once all over again

I'm trying all my best

to be fine..

Your life would be much better without my presence..

I know that now..

I can no longer receive free smiley..

because I lost all of them

All I can do now..

is just be fine.

To face everything I have done in one time..

I'm not fine.. not good at all...

Let the cat out of the bag..

After all these years, I finally spoken out everything..

Something I have hide away from truth..

Something I want to erase from past..

Something I don't want to recall..

Something I dislike...

The moment I let the cat out of the bag,

The cat is gonna change lots of thing

You have no idea that how much I wish

that you're not the one to hold upon the secret..

I doesn't want to lose anything

due to my past...

I doesn't want to drop a tear..

for my past..

I can't erase what I have done..

I can't redo what I have done..

I can't forget what I have done..

other than hoping I would never ever repeat the mistake..

However, happy memories never follow around

sad memories always haunted me

I guess...

I have just lost my smiley supply.

because sometimes the truth is just not what you want

Recovering..

After such a long time.. for months...
Finally.. I'm back to continue my footsteps back to track...

Let's have a review of all these months...

I made a great decision that changes my life and I'm glad for that decision.
Relieved and released a burden of my life...
Starting a life with a new and clear cut.
Having a new lifestyle away from home

and homesick...

I am officially university students...

Gonna be 2.5 years away from home
Gonna be 2.5 years staying at Bukit Jalil
Gonna be 2.5 years IMU student (For Bkt Jalil campus)
Gonna be 2.5 years as Medical Student

I'll be studying exactly and even further deep of biology world..
I'll be having my own stethoscope.. (Grey or black??)
I'll be learning learning learning and learning..
I'll be a future doctor!!!

Looking at all these..
I'm actually looking forward for my own future..
wow.. haha..


By.. no one else other than..
Candy..